Greetings Beautiful Souls,
Aren’t we blessed to be enjoying the beautiful heat of summer? I try to focus on vegan picnics, trips to the lake, meditation… anything to drown out the horrifying memories of my chaotic years binge drinking in the parks of Berlin, blowing taxi driver after taxi driver. Even in beautiful weather: this city has a way of grabbing you by the throat, and sucking the life out of you! … NOW: my summer drink is an iced sparkling water with a dash of lemon! That’s Sober Lynn!
Recently, I was invited to a “Body Positivity Meet Up” — I thought this would be right up my alley, since I have always felt very comfortable & at ease with who I am on the inside and the outside. I was expecting the meet-up to be about sharing nutritional tips, meditation techniques, and maybe some light yoga. It turned out to be very different.
The Meet-Up was led by Amelia, a self-described “full figured woman”. To be clear: I don’t label people based on body types (since it is what is on the INSIDE that counts) yet Amelia seemed – dare I say – *obsessed* with physical appearance. While I personally believe in sharing my story to help others, Amelia’s story was more a diatribe about every tragic experience she’s ever had, and why she struggles with her weight. I could feel the discomfort of the other ladies in the room — how uncomfortable and inappropriate it was. We were all expecting to talk about health & wellness — yet Amelia seemed to think “Body Positivity” is about being a victim, and needing others to hear her pain. Was this a support group? Because if so, it should be clearly LABELLED a support group, and not a meet-up. #clarity #betruetoyourword
Once Amelia finished her self-indulgence, I cleared the air by explaining in a very calm and non-judgemental way — that beauty is ALWAYS a choice. I voiced my discomfort with Amelia, as if her struggles with her body image somehow makes her pain MORE important than MY pain? I gently explained that I have always had a naturally ideal physical appearance for a woman by society’s standards. Could they possibly imagine how difficult it has been for me — to have EVERY man I meet want to fuck me? And then, when they find out I am as equally as beautiful on the INSIDE — they want to fuck me EVEN MORE? One of the reasons I spiraled into alcoholism was because SO MANY men bought me free drinks — ALL THE TIME.
We all have our burden to bear, and I am not going to be ashamed of being beautiful. I focus on living in light and positivity, and not bringing others down by unloading toxic energy onto them. Clearly Amelia has no respect for anyone, and doesn’t truly love herself.
Instead of being compassionate to MY struggle — the entire group rallied behind Amelia (most likely because they were embarrassed for her)… Amelia explained we were here to hear each other’s journey towards body positivity, and that includes being vulnerable and sharing painful experiences. Then — she tried to change the subject, and direct the conversation away from me.
I engaged in a loving dialogue where I explained that I would not be silenced, and that I do not like it when people change the subject. I told them how my boyfriend Nick did this to me recently. Nick has been out of town for 7 days, and deactivated his Facebook profile. I can only reach him via Messenger, and sometimes it takes him 3 hours to reply. He is hiking in Switzerland with his mother. I TRUST HIM. I LOVE HIM. I BELIEVE HIM. But: he sent me this photo — and my first impression was that this photo was taken in the autumn. Look at the leaves. Nick explained that in Switzerland some trees turn orange at the height of summer due to forest fires.
I took a deep breath, and chose to trust him. It was the ‘Old’ Lynn who would doubt him. That’s not me anymore. I trust. I am open to love, and ready to welcome it into my heart.
After showing the women in the group the photos Nick sent from Switzerland, I kindly thanked them for inviting me to be a part of the evening. And although I am compassionate to their journey, and respect them as human beings — I could no longer be in the presence of their toxic energy, and self-hate. I felt judged and hated for being beautiful — which is a reflection of THEM, not me. #knowyourworth
Stay hydrated out there! And make sure to add a splash of lemon to that H²O!! #zing #lemonade #lemonlove #yellow #prettygirl #cucumbers #flipflops
Sober Lynn 